the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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