well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
