you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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