Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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