What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
