There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
