escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
