So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize