3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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