you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize