barbara walters just said penis...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
