I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
