cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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