There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
