I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
