my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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