I wish my penis had an off switch
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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