Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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