i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
