Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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