He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
