i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
