u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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