after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You are the jesus of drinking
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
