Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
