Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
