I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
