I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
