your thong is hanging out like whoa
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
