if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
