and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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