Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Boobs are out for the taking
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
