Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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