I skipped work to stalk him.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
