he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
