I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
