john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
