he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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