Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
