I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
