It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
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