I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
