I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
