Need sex. Gaining weight.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
How's work?
Spinning.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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