Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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