i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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