her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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