sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
