I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
