just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
