i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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