I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
