I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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