I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
