I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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