Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
