Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
