How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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