They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
