whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
