Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize