I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
