Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
