I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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