theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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