please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
