I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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