At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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