do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
