just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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