how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
