he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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