Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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