Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
